love

knowledge

Knowledge. I use the word to invert it
knowing now it lost you 
and what good
is between us, 
though nothing, finds me
many quiet deaths

termination

And I can't be with you

even as friends

waiting for you

to release me

Protected: such is (freeverse)

loss (freeverse)

You've come, you've left;
Phenomenal shades of affection
Cut me blind under seminal rapture,
Exposing dark space.

I collapse against the weight of presence,
Succumbing to a brilliant exposure of impressions,
Which later embed themselves in traces
Of lamenting time.

Appearance becomes all I have;
After departure: imagination takes phase. 

My life is only living
Through distant gaze. 

The closer i come; the quicker it's lost; the deeper i go...

Genuine closeness lives in 
A proximity farther than you could ever grasp,
And dies just the same.

In the gaps between closure,
Everything is perfection

And bitter

And sweet

And good

And filth

Because loss is a deep opening 
Yearning to be closed.

all i have (freeverse)

you've forgotten
but i'm here, carrying this burden 

crushed under the weight of your existence 

i'm breathing memories 
as i swallow bitter time

want to distance myself from your contours 
every line and shape pierces the barrier of my comfort
exposing the raw flesh of vulnerability  

traces of your time imprinted in my perception 
making everything i am, and everything you're not

your appearance haunts the hollowness of my mind you've left behind
as if my substance was yours to extinguish 
and my life; your game to play

dissonant and fragile, i shatter the pieces 
only to bring them together again 

reminded incessantly 
of something you've never felt
but something that made me feel
everything

solutions are a cold dead thing
and your warmth digs a deeper hole 

but if i lose you

i lose all hope 

and hope is all i have

It's not so much you i love, it is the reflection of myself that you give me through recognizing me, 

I love the character you made of me.

circumstance (freeverse)

was it 'me' you saw? 
or what i appear to be,

behind the eyes, is it the truth
or a lie?
our stars crossed 
burning hot,
the flames are ready to die

is it me? 
is it you? 

what are we to each other?
what can we be?
what should we be?

the connection fits the pieces

we just...
fill in the roles

hiding in books (freeverse)

 i hide in these books

my defence against the meaningless 
that grips me, 

loneliness distorts the world, 

distance has left a hole
all reality seeps through

In the words, i found a home 
to mend the distance

Lose myself in pages for a while
waiting for you to find me

your image holds so much truth 
in my world of lies,
i cower at the sight 
yet i'm longing for your gaze  

need to get out of this house
and make this life real again

Throw it with all the others and be done (freeverse)

Have been in this stone too long
unable to breath and move
Set in this place
heart muffled, trembling, 
My fears covered like moss
but i've broken it in two
Revealing the core

Nothing but more stone,
here lies the wreckage of my home
Hard and Heavy
my enemy, my burden
throw it in the lake with all the others,
now i've escaped

It's worth shedding this cold weight

i get into relationships so i can relate to sad music (freeverse)

music to make me feel 
colours to give life 
words to make it real 
pictures capturing an ecstasy 
surreal and abstract 
without this for you, there is no me

and

i don't seek you
i don't feel you,
without these meanings

no joy to realize
we have nothing,
if we don't idealize
 

through art 
we've created our love