sprawl

Where I had stepped was unbound immaturity in a breadth so deep it sunk the years
right into me,
and I felt the inertia Self-torment,
repleting so gently.

a new Land had opened, where from foreign jaws clenched on innocence
and off inside a belly:
a new home, but soon, digestion will takes its run,
and from its course my body- gone.

And in a belly, i found safety while something slowly digested, and i was coming closer and closer to extinction, ah! this is truly a tale to tell!

Bent ever forwards, a will to time, a craving towards a future and a risk that at some time does not will itself reward,

and I hoped too, I wished for none,

and I wanted danger in clashes of violence,

and I craved madness, where in pain would sculpt these soft edges sharp
and rust would shine proudly on a spirit unyielding.

and from dirt and concrete grew an immorality so dense it polluted the sun itself, and the world became tarred with my choices, and my cravings that wrung it so thoroughly into my now twisted nature,

I pulled it inside of me, the entire world in all its worth! It’s smallness!
Inside my guts! And from it ripped/rips/ripping apart, because
I too was not satisfied with its surface mockery, and that bastard moon
that feigns in laughter, and let it burst
its fluroscence forward onto this crust and in-flames the rock it heats!
And i wanted to burn the earth for giving me fate, to show it that i had choice, and not it, and I determined and not it! I was the one in control but that bastard had usurped existence into that greedy hell it calls life, but now it was mine to eliminate forever!
Its slow rotation!
Its seasonal change!
Its repulsive position in space!
Its bastard of a moon!

In estatic energy i took the world and ate it. to digest its valleys, oceans, mountains, and the soaked empires on its surface mockery. and i ate and ate until it filled me with bursting pain and from my fullness it expelled out of my mouth in violent pouring, and then through unrequited manner i swallowed it again to prove that i had loved it!

And like small child I held the world in my hand, and crushed it to spirals whirling in its insignificane and i saw its sparks come from its core like lightening had struck my palm and from there it dropped, like frozen glass it shattered and i stomped and whirled it through oblivion into a ground holding both of us so gently, tenderly in sweet loving horizontal solids.

And I!
Wanted nothing at all but adventure unto death.

And so i received my blessings, and i took them inside me kindly
but with an equal spite, i burned through them, mildly

And in my youth, I will look back in a fool, and as a fool I’ll love myself for even more.

The layers here go down
Into obscurity;
What a shallow realization!
For what’s deepest
Is not always profound
And from a step
A hell was found.

A nightmare:

Imagine, to separate yourself from the universal and into that dense night of particularity. To be wrenched with a tension so profound that it wrestles you as a stranger among others and to yourself. And for that idiosyncratic hell to take its roots into your very being, and with it to rip you apart in vehement rage.

There was new footing where risk ran wildly;
and I, through fading trail,
was lead in hope to ever more wild reward,
but an alluring Myth rewrote me,
and who I was drifted toward history ignored;
as hope became too heavy to walk.

 

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