my life as a jigsaw puzzle (freeverse)

i'm trying to make sense
of these simple things
they open up in front of me
becoming larger 
more complex
not so simple 
the picture is distorted

a part of it vanished for me,
didn't happen to begin with, 
now i have all these scattered pieces 
trying to fit them 
to solve this puzzle
to understand 

you've solved yours 
making a coherent picture
but i'm here 
my lines are distorted 
corners jagged 
and there are too many  

i need you 
to take away these pieces 
yours works so well with so few,
i've been trying too hard 
making this 'perfect' picture,
with so many pieces
this puzzle will not end, 
take them away from me 
make me understand
end my puzzle 
complete my picture 


recognition (freeverse)

no display
what's the point 
all the colours washed away 
shattered in pieces
fragmented through a void,
suffering with no view
leaves a deep pit
wanting to be filled,
screaming into the nothing
echoing back
with no one there

fixated on mirrors
mirroring you and me
a display for all
to understand,
to give identity 
to this shell of flesh
with eyes and brain and
having only a soul through
being known in reflection 

is the pain worth it?
how can it be?
if it loses all purpose
when not in display

dissociate (freeverse)

holding hands
you place mine close to your heart
keeping it there 
you caress 
squeezing harder as you hold 
massaging the fingers

first time you've done this
i look at you, shocked 
words flow through 
trying to attach a meaning  
to feel more
to be more 

you look at me with glowing eyes,
filled with emotion, 
i am here, too busy, 
trying to put value into this
struggling and working 
to get a deeper meaning

you feel a whole world 
open in front of you
merging you in serenity 
getting the meaning immediately 
while im here
feeling nothing 
but a hand 

Ego is everything

I know of a person who has tyrannized the ego, abolishing it from his very existence. Turning it into a symptom of all human evil and labeling it as an enemy to mankind. He proposes we need to rid ourselves of the ego to achieve a higher state of being human but it is the ego itself that gives us our humanity. He has set himself on a path of struggle to attain a greater goal for himself and others that he believes will usher in a divine human purpose. Without knowing it, he is acting directly on his ego. The ego wants to live for something greater than itself, it wants a higher purpose and a higher meaning so it can elevate itself to this greatness and it wants to suffer and to struggle for this greatness because in suffering is how we achieve greatness. Human beings who express the highest form of ego are willing to die just for an idea or cause, just for something outside of the self that is greater than the self; these are the people who sacrifice themselves for the greater good and suffer for what they believe is right. This is how the world is formed. The world is inherently meaningless, mankind cannot come to grips with the nothingness so we extend our power over it and shape it like it is clay and we mold this world to our desires. This is how religion has started. Man through living in a world with no purpose and no meaning wants to elevate himself to something greater so they create a God to create a world of meaning and divine purpose that can satiate the desires of the ego and make their existence important. The abstractions man creates from the ego are formulated because the ego desires suffering, it wants to struggle and it craves action to spark its progress.  The desire to help others is also part of the ego. Through helping others we extend our power onto them, the power of our ego, and from this we gain recognition and feel like we matter in a world where we are looked at as human beings deserving of respect and dignity and our existence is meant to be appreciated. Helping others is the highest purpose of the ego because it increases its power and extends itself among others which sublates its desires into a greater whole. This is our humanity, this is what separates us from animals. This is where our spirit comes from. Without this, there is no passion, there is no reverence for life, there is no creation. Growth and progress of self and others is only possible through an ego that views such things as important and necessary, without this ego there would be full nihilism where the desire for growth and the struggles that it brings would seem utterly pointless because it serves no end, it has no meaning. Animals live with no meaning, they live for nothing higher than themselves and negating the ego is a progression into animal life. As the individual gathers experience and builds their identity, they project onto the world their values and morphs the world to suit those values. The greatest works of art and music is built on the egos of the artist. The ego creates kingdom and empires, it instills on the world its truth and it spreads affecting other egos through its power.

Ego has laid the foundation for every meaning in this world. 

The ego is what makes us who we are. Without ego, the self disintegrates, without the self, there is a hinderance in consciousness and a hinderance in human desire. One desires to fulfill the self. Desiring brings something to the self, where it can fulfil and nullify the longing for it. Without ego, there is no desire. There is no creation, everything is meaningless, mankind does not possess any power, they have no respect for self and others and are alienated in the world and deprived of their very humanity. Through ego, all creation is formed, all the good and the bad, it is part of the whole, the whole of what makes us human and what creates meaning in the meaningless.

Love is the greatest Evil

Love idealizes imperfections making them perfect. It has potential to idealize the most heinous and despicable. Man loves too much and greed is born, he’ll rob and steal for this love. Man loves his ideals, he would kill millions and plunge the world into darkness for one idea that is an extension of all that he loves. People murder and torture for the love of god. They wage wars and kill for the love of country.  Through love, hatred is born. To hate is a drive to destroy the thing that opposes the love. One would sacrifice millions for a single love. One would conceal a murderer from justice out of love. The greatest evils are done out of love. Violence finds its purpose with love. Wars are waged purely for love.

A world without love is unimaginable, a world with only love is intolerable.