Slave to Myself (freeverse)

I have strayed away
I have neglected 
The very thing that will make me whole 
I have rejected it, in pursuit of something illusory
Something easier to attain 
Something I can make sense of
I realize this now
That i have been tormenting myself
That it was right in front of me 
But i was blinded 
From the very thing i've wanted
Now the restraints are gone
Pillars of self-induced conflicts have collapsed
I realize now 
My chains have been broken 
I've freed myself
From the maliciousness of myself
Liberated from my constraints 
It was meant to be this way 
I had to suffer
I had to be master and slave 
I had to be in the dark
To be shown the light 
But it's fleeting me
Getting darker
Escaping my grasp as i come closer
And i continue to stop its fruition
Halting its progress
Putting my chains back on
For moments of comfort  
Moments of ease and peace
Moments of obedience
Maybe it isn't the right time
I am still so fractured
Looking for the whole
But i'm too afraid to put the pieces together
I am not ready 
I still must suffer for it
Before i can embrace its beauty 
For it blossoms in suffering 
And i am still a slave 
But now i'm aware of my chains 
And freedom is terrifying 
Though my fate 
is to be free

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